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Pippa is Gone and My Heart is Crushed

For weeks my heart has been breaking. Today it has finally been ground down to dust. We just put our sweet baby of almost fifteen years to rest, and while I know that Pippa is in a more peaceful place, I cannot fathom that I will no longer get to wake up with her each morning, kiss her on her furry forehead each night and stroke those perfect little phyllo dough ears any more.

She became part of our family the very first week of my landing in Los Angeles back in August of 2003. She was only three months old at the time, sweet and clumsy, ears still indecisive and floppy, inquisitive, willful and independent. Her neck was so small that her collar was loose even at the smallest hole.

August 4, 2003

A little over a year ago, her arthritis began to take hold, and even though she’s been on meds for the entire time, she can only walk some of the time, and when she can it’s difficult. She needs assistance to squat to pee, and falls a lot if left to try to walk on her own. She needs to be fed by hand most of the time and has been spending the majority of her days reclined and stuck in her bed.
Pippa Smiling
I am gutted. I know it will pass in time and that she will always be part of me. I got her name and paw tattooed over my heart last year as I knew this day would come. And here is it. I keep swinging from crushing sadness to numbness and back again. I’ll still be with Teddy, Pippa’s younger brother dog. We will have to help each other during the emotional aftermath of all this.
Pippa Paw Tattoo
Everything feels so empty even though I know that it’s not. The simply joy that I experienced just knowing she was is now a big hole of sadness. I know its all about remembering everything that made me smile and laugh and not this feeling of hopelessness and despair, because logically I know these feelings will dissipate. It’s gonna take a while before I find my way back to normal, but I will. I just don’t know how long that will take.

Running on the beach - such a happy girl

I will miss you forever my sweet baby. Little Shiba puppy who used to catch birds in mid-air, now just barely hobbling with hips and rear legs now made of rickety sticks. I will remember you in the desert, on the beach and in the snow. We will still play chase in my dreams and when I close my eyes to conjure your little fox face. Your special nibble on the tip of my nose and your lightning speed as you dart back and forth in the front yard in Eagle Rock. You will live in my heart for eternity.

Sleep soundly and dream playful dreams of your years before your body began to fail you. My heartdog forever. My most special little furry girl.

Pippa at the Rancho when her hips sand legs still worked

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Posted in Personal Ramblings.

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5 Responses

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  1. Susan says

    Oh so sweet and your love for her shines through your works

  2. Kelly Cochran says


  3. Sandra Garcia-Pelayo says

    Oh baby. I feel your pain. And also the beauty that is so hard to describe in sharing your lives together. A heart-dog is truly a rare & unique thing that those of us who have or have had one only understand. I adore you my friend. Your heart, your Pippa who was & is the love of your life dog & will always remain so. The thing I realized when my heart-dog Izbe passed at 15, a year and a half ago, was the greater the love, the greater the pain. And yeah, it fuckin’ tore me up and turned my world upside for a full year after she was gone. I still cry for her and miss her greatly, in fact, just last night. But I’d never trade in all the love and special connection that her and I shared, and remains with me forever, in place of the pain & loss & heartbreak of having to say goodbye. If you ever want to talk to someone who gets it, I’m here for you. RIP beautiful Pippa. You were incredibly loved & cherished, just as you also gave that back in return.

  4. Ganin says

    All the love Daniel <3

  5. Andrea says

    I cannot not send condolences. My heart is with you, friend. It’s crushed for you. Sending any possible comfort. ❤️

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